I wonder if he even has a clue how much I love him? He's sitting on the couch with his legs tucked under him, eyebrows furrowed as he concentrates on his book. His braid is hanging over his shoulder, and into his lap; he's beautiful. He is either oblivious to my watching him or is used to it by now.

Everyone assumes my silence and straight face indicates me being indifferent or uncaring. Not true. I just think a lot...don't always share my thoughts. That doesn't mean they aren't as passionate and filled with love as the next person. Sometimes I think they are more so than most people's. I just have trouble saying how I feel. For a few reasons I guess. For one, I'm not accustomed to doing it. Two, I don't know how to word what I'm thinking most of the time. What if I said something the wrong way? What if he looks at me like I'm an idiot? Ok, I'm sure that wouldn't happen, but that doesn't stop me from having the irrational concern. I think my emotions scare me sometimes. I never knew I could feel something like this, so intensely.

But, god, I love him.

You know what I thought the first time I ever saw him? Even as he was shooting me? 'He is absolutely gorgeous.' I couldn't take my eyes off of his. Such a unique color. Blue...but with a hint of violet. I still have a hard time not just staring at them. It seems like I see something new every time I look into his eyes. But you know what I do see in them every time? His love for me. It gives me the most unbelievable feeling. Like a swelling in my chest. Something that brings me immeasurable amounts of joy, and makes me feel like crying at the same time. Shocking isn't it? But I don't think anyone's ever loved me before. And I certainly know that any other love would pale in comparison.

It might sound silly, coming from someone like me, but the first time Duo and I kissed... I feel myself wanting to sigh just thinking about it. Wufei would be disgusted. But I felt my knees want to go weak the instant our lips touched. Now, Duo and I have shared many a kiss that could cause such a thing...but this was different. It was so soft and absolutely sweet. I'd never kissed anyone before, and I'd told him so. He'd gotten such a confused look on his face and said, 'I can't believe no one's ever kissed you.' Then he walked up to me and stood studying my face, before slowly lifting his hand, softly brushing his thumb across my lips, then burying his fingers into my hair behind my ear. I stood stock-still as he leaned forward until our lips just barely touched. For a minute neither of us moved at all. He put his other arm around my waist, pulling me close to him, slowly kissing me. He felt so warm, so...right. And I finally brought my hands up to grip his shirt. I told myself right then that I was never letting go.

The first time Duo and I ever had sex...let me rephrase that; the first time Duo and I ever made love, it seemed a continuation of the first time we kissed. He seemed to look at me with such wonder. Amazed that he was the first person to ever touch me in the way he was. And in this, too, he went about things in a slow and sweet manner. Fingers just barely grazing my skin as we lay on his bed. Brushing my hair out of my eyes so that he could look into them. With anyone else this would have made me uncomfortable. But I trust Duo to the very core of my being, and so I took the opportunity to study his eyes as well. So beautiful.

And then he was leaning down to lay kisses across my jaw and down my neck; lingering whenever his touch drew a quiet moan from me. I felt him unbuttoning my shirt. Everything seemed to be in slow motion, and I wasn't sure if I could bear the wait. But then my shirt was completely open and he pushed it down and off my shoulders, his mouth kissing the flesh that was newly exposed. I wanted to feel his skin against my own, and so I helped Duo out of his own shirt, not quite as gently as he had with mine. My hands found their way down his chest and stomach, feeling him tremble slightly, before they slipped around to his back. I pulled him tight against me, finally getting the contact I craved. And we lay there in our embrace, silently. I could feel his heart beating against my chest; hear him breathing in my ear. He turned his face ever so slightly, so that his lips brushed my ear as he said, 'Heero...I love you.'

I felt the wetness on my cheek before I ever realized it was my own tear. He showed me everything that night. Everything love was, and could be. And that was the first night I said the words, 'I love you' back to him. The first time I'd ever said them in my life. Never once have I regretted saying them to him.

The sound of Duo turning the page of his book draws me from my reveries. It never ceases to amaze me how he's managed to keep that beautiful innocence about him. Something I never seemed to convey even when I was innocent.

I can no longer resist the urge, and I stand up and cross the room to where he's sitting. Easing onto the arm of the couch, I gently take the book from Duo's hands and trail my fingers down his braid before putting my arm around him. He smiles up at me with a hint of curiosity in his eyes.

"What's going on in that head of yours," he says to me, reaching up and ruffling my bangs.

I slide off the arm of the couch and maneuver so that I'm kneeling on the floor in front of him. I look at him silently for a few moments, holding his hands in his lap.

"I've just been thinking how much I love you," I say, before reaching up to kiss him softly.

We slowly part and Duo looks me in the eye, with that endearing smile of his.

"I love you too, Heero."

"I know," I whisper. "I know..."